An ordinary and external demon can cause harm, but it is temporary; while the internal demon causes permanent damage… The innermost demon, the one anchored most deeply within us, is the notion of a separate self, the greediness of “me”.
The Dalai Lama P. 57, Essential Teachings
At first blush, thinking of ourselves makes perfect sense. We look out at the world around us through our own individual pair of eyes. We are the ones who hurt when our bodies are in pain. It is our stomach that gets hungry when we haven’t had enough to eat. Our libido that gets excited when we see someone we find attractive. We each have our own history. Our own likes. Our own dislikes. We have our own responsibilities, our own liabilities, our own blessings and trials. In short, we have our own consciousness tied particularly to a single body that is born, grows older and ultimately dies.
But looked at from a different perspective, other people can be seen to be the same consciousness that just happens to have a different history. In short, other people are “other me’s.” No, we don’t all think alike, and part of putting yourself in perspective is recognizing and respecting other people’s differences. For not only have we each been shaped by our own unique histories on planet Earth, we come to life with different genetic capabilities. When you think about someone whose behavior offends you, remember that, like it or not, if you had been given the same DNA, had the exact same upbringing and experienced everything they’d experienced up to this point, you too would, in all likelihood, be making the same bad choices they are making.* Recognizing this leads to compassion – a quality the Dalai Lama says is the key to happiness.
On the flipside, given the same life history and DNA of those we abhor, we are all capable of doing the most despicable things. As Zora Neale Hurston put it so eloquently:
“You who play the zig-zag lightning of power over the world, with the grumbling thunder in your wake, think kindly of those who walk in the dust. And you who walk in humble places, think kindly too, of others. There has been no proof in the world so far that you would be less arrogant if you held the lever of power in your hands.”
Zora Neale Hurston, Dust Tracks on a Road (1942)
Recognizing this brings compassion for our enemies, as it shows us that those who we revile because they have wronged us personally have treated us the same way we would have treated us if we had been in their shoes. This helps cure resentment and unforgiveness.
Seeing others as other “me’s” also means recognizing that they are as self-absorbed as we are. That when we walk into a room they are more concerned with how they’re being perceived than they are about judging us – something we’ll get to in the section on paths that help us think about ourselves less.
*Although one might argue that your soul, being more highly evolved, would not have chosen that person’s incarnation – a philosophical discussion for another time.
[Today’s Challenge: Think about how other people – especially any you consider your “enemies” – are really other “you’s” in different bodies. Reflect on the fact that if you were in their shoes, you would make the same bad choices they make.]